are you building a relationship with your clothes
can treating our clothes more like we treat human relationships allow for better discernment when building, maintaining and letting go of pieces in our wardrobes
As I was handwashing my latest sweater acquisition; of the vintage cashmere variety, getting him all ready to join the family, I had thought…have built a relationship with my clothes? My initial thought was, “have I built an intimate relationship with my clothes”; probably because the act of washing can be seen as intimate but I wanted to keep this PG lol, and this completely random, out-of-the-blue thought; as most of my fashion thoughts start, made more sense as I worked through it in my mind - I just hope it translates in print. So if this sounds weird, trust me I know BUT also trust me I have a point…so let me cook, just pray I don’t burn it lol!
The entire process from acquisition to now has been something I would compare to meeting someone for the first time and working to build a lifelong relationship. Think about the relationships you have, whether they be platonic or romantic; are you smiling…good! Now think about the ways you went from first meeting them to getting to know them and now locked in with no plans of switching up.
What was it like when you first met them? I’m sure it was that initial rush of excitement that only comes from meeting someone new. You liked what you saw and heard and you had to get to know them better because you were already imagining the fun you’d have and you needed to see if it would be just as good in real life.
*me scanning the racks, seeing the sweater for the first time, stopping and picking it up, giving it a quick once over, checking the tag to find it was cashmere (I’m in my cashmere era), feeling my heart go pitter patter and instantly imagining all the outfits I could create with it.*
Then you move to the phase where you get to know them. You talk with each other and start to get a feel for one another. This is also the point where you either decide to go further in the relationship because you like what you see or cut your losses because you’re not as compatible as you first thought.
*me in the aisle giving the sweater a more detailed once over ensuring there isn’t any major damage and if there is, would it be worth the money or time to address it, checking the care tag and tying it on to ensure I like the fit*
Now that you’ve established compatibility and a connection, you do things to keep that connection going and grow stronger. You hang out, go out on dates, and talk, talk, talk.
*me wearing my sweater on multiple occasions to hang out, go out on dates, and when I talk talk talk to my friends or beau and finding new ways to style it.*
The connection is there and now you’re continuing to grow your relationship by nurturing and pouring into it.
*me doing all the care tasks - washing and storing my sweater properly. De-pilling it in when needed*
As in all relationships, the newness wears off and you have to do things to spice it up and keep the spark. Yes, this includes platonic relationships as well folks!
*me finding new ways to style my sweater even when I’m not necessarily a fan of the results*
And there will come a time when you run into an issue. You don’t ignore it, you sit and work it out immediately because you want to keep the relationship in good shape.
*me repairing any rips holes or tears, getting out any stains, and taking it to a professional if it’s above my skill set*
And of course, sometimes it comes a time when a relationship no longer serves us, and as hard as it can be, we have to let it go.
*getting rid of my sweater if it no longer fits or is beyond repair AND not keeping it in my “back of the closet bag” willing myself to lose weight only to get mad at myself when I don’t and the delusions of “I can upcycle this into something else” knowing damn well I won’t*
Well….
Does any of this make sense???
We tend to have such a passive relationship with the pieces we own; unless they’re tied to a special moment in time, and I think that’s a huge reason why we can disregard and replace them without a second thought, something we would never do to a human. We go from lust to love to ick in a matter of months; sometimes weeks, because we haven’t taken the time to simply get to “know” them before we add them to our closet, and after the acquisition, we don’t take the time to make the pieces we so desperately wanted work.
Treating our clothes more like we treat human relationships - how will this new piece serve me and on the flipside how will I serve it, will allow for better discernment helping to build a better wardrobe. While this is not my campaign to seriously date your clothes, it is one to get you to slow down when purchasing; a wish list is a great way to gauge if its lust or love, and after purchasing giving your purchase a fair shake.
Now as for me and my latest closet addition, we’re past the initial meeting and getting to know each other stage and are firmly in the establishing a connection one. I’ve worn him a few times and I working toward building a lengthy relationship.